What is wrong with me?

Sometimes, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

I had a dream last that. I woke up and I felt cold and sad. 

I sit at work right now, 5 hours since I woke up and it’s still haunting me. Speaking of haunting, this dream has brought up a lot of ghosts that I haven’t thought about in a while.

I seriously want to be like, dude. It was a dream. get the FUCK over it.

Right?

Wrong.

I’m sitting here. I’m supposed to be working. But yet I just sit here…replaying over and over the same stupid scene’s in my head. The stupid things that made me die inside. That made my heart crawl deep inside it’s hiding place. 

But they keep replaying.

It makes me feel crazy. 

Sometimes I’m surprised I haven’t started to hear voices yet.

Why can’t I just stop? Why won’t any of this just stop!?

I’m tired of crying. Again, I’m supposed to be working. But I’m crying. I’m writing. I’m writing to no one.

I just don’t get it. When I try to explain this to people, I know that they don’t understand. 

Again with that crazy feeling.

I can’t be the only one with these goddamn haunting’s in my mind. I can’t be the only one that has these days that are just bad. Really, really bad. Where the memories don’t stop. They flood me. I can’t be the only one that has a dream and have it chase me all day. 

This dream…it’s not like what happened in said dream would actually happen.

I know this.

But my mind want’s to say otherwise.

So I’m caught in this “I know” and this “but…what if”

God help me.

 

 

Medusa

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